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October.17 - 24.2006
How una dey my people? I hope say una dey miliki? I no say una dey wonder say wetin happen to this yeye man, My people i dey o, na hungry want kill man na him i come run go village. I promise una say come Wednesday as me too dey enjoy holiday with mallam garuba for Sabo, una go hear plenty from me. Make una tell una famili, friends and dat una noisy neigboors say ma don come back o.
Till then, I salute una, make una dey do jeje o.
October.22.2003
Naija
Police go learn community policing for UK
Hey
na anoda news l carry come today o, oya make una siddon
to hia dis tori, chai my obodo piple na dis one dem
de call oturugbeke.
I say the inspector general of police Mr Tafa Balogun
don announce say dem send 6 naija police to go Uk to
go learn how to do community policing. Im tok say when
dem reach dia dem go learn as oyibo de do community
policing and when dem come back dem go 'design and manage
community policing in this country' Abeg how pikin wey
neva sabi waka go take run
Shei dis police wey de chop so so egunje na dem wan
do community police, na dis one go make di bribe money
for check point go up as dem wan give egunje oyibo name
. Chai my piple fowl don de almost grow teet for we
obodo. To make matters worse no be only Uk dem go go
learn dis work come o, oga IGP say dem go go Spain,
USA, Australia, Isreal and other countries wey de 'friendly
to Nigeria' as im tok am.
Abeg
whish kain police work dem wan learn for USA when yankee
police de treat black different from white? Abi as naija
be majority black so shei na di few oyibo wey de hia
na im dem go de give di preferential treatment as oyibo
de call am. And when dem go Isreal come, as we no get
suicide bombers yet for naija, na who dem go use practice
wetin dem go learn come from dat war zone? Even when
dem come back from Australia who go be we aborigines,
abi na awussa piple versus southerners or biafrans e
go be, kai dat one na anoda tori o dis biafra piple
don de turn to anoda tin. Make una come back on Friday
come read my thoughts on this Biafra – Ndigbo thing.
Eniway,
this matter of say dem wan send naija police to go learn
how to do community police for abroad na waste of money
wey dem for take increase police salary make dem stop
all dat egunje for checkpoint. No be only dat one plus
buy dem uniform join sef.
Oga
IGP when dis ones wey go learn work for UK come back,
abeg no send dem again, shuuo a whole month and half
na im dem go take go gallivant for abroad and we no
count dia wife and girlfriends wey go follow dem go
o. Chai, make una sorry for dis we obodo money now,
kuku take dat extra money go dash dem ogoni piple make
dem take hol skin togeda.
October.15.2003
Mrs
Vice president gimme a break jare
My
piple long time no see, make una no ves for me plenty,
na small sickness been hold me. Shei una de gbadun sha,
me l don mix una no be small and tori full my mouth
de trowey.
Na
we second lady matter na im l carry come today, una
no no we second lady for naija? Na the wife of we vice
president, Chief Mrs Amina Titi Atiku Abubakar, wey
be chair person of Women Trafficking and Child labour
Foundation (WOTCLEF).
She tok say dem don deport 19,774 of we obodo piple
come house for human trafficking and other offenses
and for piple wey no hia dat grammar na dem girls wey
de go italo and dia madam italos dem. We madam chair
woman come de tok say na dis kain tins dem de give naija
bad name for outside.
Shuuo see me see bad tin o, whish day naija begin worry
about image wey dem get for oyibo eye, no be here l
siddon wey dem hang Ken Saro Wiwa, come de plan to stone
woman to death sef. See as OBJ dem de take fuel price
de do goin goin gone so. Na im Chief MrsChairlady de
tok we image abroad. All dem Itshekiri and Ijaw, wey
de kill demsef like fowl so shei dat one de give us
good image for oyibo eye? Abi wetin we govament don
do to stop dat one.
If human trafficking de give naija bad name, shei de
govament wey create de opportunity abi na lack of opportunity
for these piple wey be say dem go risky dia life go
do bad tin for anoda man country de give naija good
name?
No be say l de support madam italos dem, but na condishion
make crayfish bend. Abi no be we country woman no go
pass for school unless professor sleep wit am and when
she graduate finish to get work she go must service
all de ogas dem, AKA bottom power, shei dat one no give
we country bad name?
My
piple l say Mrs Abubakar come de tok say if you no any
criminal make you report am. Shei she go fit account
for all de boku million million naira wey dem giam for
WOTCLEF? If she de really do de tins wey dem put for
paper say WOTCLEF go de do why boat still de leave Cross
River state and it's environs wit small childrens wey
de go do slave work for Equatorial Guinea or na to report
how many piple wey dem deport na im dem de take all
dat million million naira wey dem budget for dem de
do? Abeg Mrs Abubakar gimme a break jare.
September.24.2003
Cassava
wan bring dollar for Nigeria
My piple how una de? I trust
say una bodi de inside cloth kampe, no shakin. Ah we
tank God o.
Chai my obodo piple I carry tok come o, siddon make
we tok dis one reach down.
I say dem don tok say we cassava go soon de bring hard
currency come for we obodo country. Yes o na Minister
of Agriculture Mallam Adamu Bello, a im halla dis one
for de British-American Tobacco Nigeria Foundation (BATFN)
meeting wey dem do for IITA lbadan, abeg even dat name
fia me, but that one na anoda matter. Eniway na for
dis meeting na im we agric oga pata pata tok say 'in
the next three years cassava will generate $5 annually'.
I say mesef fia wen l hear dis
one, de tori de one kain for my ears. Wait o before
una go say na bad belle de worri me, becos dis tori
de sound like de more you look de less you see tori
for wia l de so. As we minister tok im own finish na
so Wale Adekunle one of dem oga for IITA come put mouth
for the loud speaker tok say, yes o say IITA fit carry
we piple comot for poverty if govament and private piple
put hand inside, dat one wey in de tok be say make una
bring money. But wait dem fit wipe hunger na im piple
de die de go so of hunger? abi dem de wait make piple
die finish before dem start to wipe poverty comot?
Sha make l de tok cassava wey
wan go international own de go, wetin me l de tok be
say if cassava begin bring dollapo aka dollars de come
so, shei poor man dem go fit chop garri again? Papa
onome no go chop starsh again be dat, abi if cassava
go sell for dollar market as we piple get longthroat
reash who go sell am for naira again? Na de equivalent
of dollar dem go de sell am o, average naija man no
go fit chop awa own staple food as oyibo de call am.
Abeg who near dis we oga pata
pata dem, make dem de draw dia ear say as dem de try
to comot chop for piple mouth so no good, every country
de try to feed im piple, na only we obodo go de carry
wetin we get go sell for dollars come go buy the oyibo
version begin import am. Make una mark dis one for una
wall o, when dem begin carry that kain quantity of cassava
comot next tin wey una go see be say we govament go
begin import garri from china or India sef.
My piple dis leg wey dem bring so no be better one o,
abi how una check am?
September.22.2003
Oga
Sege lie lie don do.
My
piple how una de? Shei efferitin de go fine sha, worta
neva pass una garri too much abi, we tank God o.
My piple dis news no sweet my belle at all, sontins
e be like say we leada dem de tink say awa mumu no get
mate sef, shuuuo. Make una no vex say my belle no sweet
o, no be una cuase am. Na so l siddon jejely na im uncle
Sege come de halla say women wey de for West Africa
say na we de for bottom pot and say de tin de pain am
for bodi.
Na so my mout open down like fish wen dem just catch,
abeg na whish time woman matter begin vex uncle Sege,
ah l no tok say im women wahala no de pain am o, make
una no tok say l tok that one.
We Presido begin lament wahala of women wey de for West
Africa loun loun, uncle Sege shei you forget us wey
we de ya doormout? Oya make una let me land bifor una
kill me, na for Ecowas Gender and Regional Integration
Forum, omo de name alone go tell you say na one of dem
chop l chop meeting. But aniwey, na Senator Lawan Guba
wey be minister of cooperation and integration in Africa,
wey been represent we presido de tok on Monday, l come
say abi oga senator no show uncle Sege wetin im wan
go tok dia abi na wetin be dis kain tok.
See wetin de ves me pass no be say dem tok say we get
'low status' or say dem tok say dem de keep us for 'background'
shuuo we gree now who no no make e ask im mama as women
condishion take be for we obodo Nigeria. De tin wey
vex me inside be say, we presido de tok say e de pain
am for bodi say women get low status meanwhile im siddon
de look us since, abi no be Amina Lawal dem de wait
make comot her pikin mout for breast make dem go stone
am die, say she carry belle when she don comot for horseband
house, meanwhile de man wey giam belle de go ahead go
give more women belle aniwey dat na anoda day we go
tok am.
My piple come see as we Oga dem de halla go give all
de oyibo wey de dia, say dem don 'take steps to to create
laws in consonance with ratified international conventions
to uplift the status of women' oya shei all dis gramma
mean say dem do law or not? As l de hia so for Pa Mugo
house, l no kuku see any law wey dem do. Na so oga presido
tok say dem don do tins wey go reduce poverty, reduce
incidence of AIDS/HIV, malaria, t.b and other infectious
diseases, shuuo so na women alone na im de get AIDS/HIV?
Abi na women alone na we de get malaria? Oga Sege make
l kuku tell you as you no no so, incidents of rape de
increase for Kaduna state, as dem wan stone woman wey
no marry wey born, wetin dem go do man wey rape 5yias
old pikin? Poverty for we obodo Nigeria no be only women
again o look outside that tinted motor wey de carry
you waka o, look we police men as dem be like piple
wey de hunger strike and AIDS no be only woman disease
o oga sege, malaria nko? Abi you sef wey de tok neva
get malaria bifor?
Mai
piple make l carry waka de go o l don tire for we obodo
country, but Nigeria na we country and we must salvage
am together. Until wee see again odigba o.
September.19.2003
Na
God work?.
My
piple how una de? Shei ground level for una side sha,
ah God no go let worta pass una garri o, una no tok
amin? Ok o shei una work de go fine sha, God no go let
una oga see persin wey sabi work pass una.
Wo, dis we obodo de make my heart de heavy sontins,
de handshake don de pass elbow o. kondishion don de
pass be careful for we countri o, my piple, and if e
happen dem go say 'na so God want am' or some go say
'na dia fate' or 'God giveth and God taketh away”. Chai
dis kain tok nearly make me ask baba God kweshion, untele
l come look dis tin say come why na only for we obodo
every bad tin de be God or devil fault, why no be person
fault, why piple no de take responsible as oyibo call
am for sontin? Abi na how papa God wan hate a whole
120million piple. And all dis 'na so God want am tok
sef, who enter God mind go ask am if as we piple de
die like fowl wey get kwashiorkor so,weder e de sweet
am for belle?
Na so las Sunday 100 piple die for assident wey happen
for Lokoja-Abuja road say three bus jam eash oda and
motor just begin burn, say de di piple carri fuel for
jerry cans cause of say fuel scarcity de and arm robber
de road too. Omo as l hear dis one again l look God
eye again say ah shei na so God want am again? Shuuo
that kain pothole wey full that road wey go swallow
a whole okada wit no trace sef, na God put am dia? abi
na God say make who dem give de contract to build road
no do am or make de government of Kogi state no make
sure say de person or company do de road, ask dem now
dem go say na federal road, so if na federal road nko,
sheibi na who wear shoe na im know where e de pain am?
Why Kogi state govt no halla make dem do de road? Omo
na so dia oga for police dat side Samuel Adetoye, wey
be de commissioner for police, come de tok say piple
wey get persin wey de trafel for that side, make de
call 'area mortuary to identify their piple'. Shuooo
whish kain l don kia attitude be dis? Who dem wan call?
abi who de carry id de waka for naija, abi how de mortuary
wan identify de piple wey don burn like suya?
I come say make we give Oga Samuel benefit of doubt
sef, make we say persin wey de obodo oyibo wan call
'area mortuary', where im go start? Shei im go call
Nitel wireless? Ah if e call and na'if all lines are
busy please call later' voice come de line nko? You
say im go call MTN abi, ah na MTN get coverage for that
area abi, and if Econet go through which name im wan
give dem say im de find? Oya e remain globalkomm abi
se de person go say im de find area mortuary for near
Abuja abi na near Lokoja and if Nepa give dem light
sha maybe the bodies no go don rot finish.
My
piple as l de look dis kondishion na im l remember all
de ritual killer dem, dem otokoto dem shei no be opportunity
for dem be dis as 100 corps berekete so na make dem
choose de one dem want, fiar come catsh me as l tink
am shei na as God want am be dis? My piple 'afise Olorun'
alias will of God suppose be good tin o. Dis kain assident
dem make we beg we oga patapata dem say make dem do
sontin wey go put full stop for dis kain tins wey de
prefentable.
Oya make l go cook for Pa Mugo, nes time we go yan anoda
tin wey de heavy me for belle. Una siddon well o.
September.17.2003
My
dia obodo piple
My
dia obodo piple, how una de? I hope say go de go well
, as for me I tank Chineke God very willingly, Oluwa
seun O. Na wit good mind and sweet belle l take come
for una side o.
Chai una go say who be dis one again, we jus enter house
de yarn una like say we no eash other bifor, l no say
some don de look me de wonder say dis face look similar
o. l go introduce maisef. Oya una cool down small, na
me na im den de call Naijachik, some don even call me
mama yard becos na wetin my eye see na im my mout de
tok. Aniway me l no worry, because l de tok am as l
see am and dis my 2 koro koro eyes de see well well
o. Na im make as Pa mugo carry waka go adult education
go learn more bookuru so, Dem kuku say make l come siddon
for im chair de tell una as tins be for we obodo Nigeria.
Me o l don promise say l go de tok de whole truth hohally
o. No be say me na basket mout o but sontins de hard
for persin to keep for im belle like dat.
Like the oda day wey l de waka go my own jejely, na
so l see wia dem de hail our former presido the maradona
himself IBB for im 62nd baffday, yes na only 62 de man
be, omo no be me tok am o.
But
anyway, na so dis one company wey de Canada iNETWORKS
for Canada , de nack head for ground de salote IBB.
Me l no tok say make dem no greet de man happybaffday
o, but when dem begin use heavy heavy grammar de salote
am, de call 'visionary leader' na im l pinch maisef.
De tin pain me na im l say unless IBB don de see vision
for chursh now o, na im l come shine eye well well tink
dis tin again, shuuo shei no be IBB of when im be presido
419 na order of the day? Na im l tell maisef say l no
see as de man take be man of the piple o, abi na otikpu
work na im iNETWORK piple de do so? as otimpku get share
now, omo dat tin get as e be o. If to say na only as
INETWORK tok am l for no vex reach as l vex.
Our piple tok say na like play play butterfly de enter
bush, as IBB de flirt wit aso rock de fear me o, l don
de look that tin de eye wey emere de look pastor. Una
no come no de one wey fear me inside? As IBB number
one otimkpu alias towncrier for naija, Alhaji Hameed
Makama, national chairman for IBB vision 2007. Na so
de man tok say IBB no need im party Alliance for Democracy
(AD) to win the election for 2007. How una check dis
tin? Me l look am say na anoda wuru wuru to de ansa
be dis o. Na anoda de more youlook de less you see wan
happen again o. Shei una remember when IBB de for government
when im de halla say 'l know those who would not succeed
me' omo me l remember o, shei no be after dat one when
im give speech say im de go na im Shonekan go land for
kiriri for 7months? Small time June 12 follow hmmm na
wa o. Abi who need skooling for IBB tactics? Why we
want let that man smell aso rock again sef? Even as
fisitor im no suppose enter o. l don de get flashback
of IBB when tell us say make we go de discuss IMF, so
tey dem form committee. Na im we obodo piple siddon
de discuss IMF conditions and conditionities, even baba
Nurudeen leave pool wey e go play siddon under fruit
tree de tok IMF matter when IBB pass we back go collect
we no kuku no again. Mai piple na only dat one? Shuuo
no be for we very before IBB say make we tok if we wan
join organization for lslamic conference (OIC) before
we say Robinson crusoe naija don become member, dat
time all our bookuru piple de tok say we no b emuslim
nation but we all know say IBB de do wetin im wan do.
Abeg dis kain person wetin im fit do wit democrazy?
Abi im go redefine democrazy to crazydemo as baba 70
don tok am?
Ehn l don de see piple face de squeeze say l jus de
accuse de man make una hia de full tori. Na so Alhaji
H. Makama vex o, sake of say Ekiti government ban further
campaign by AD for IBB. Alhaji oga campaign chairman
come tok say IBB no need Ad to win for 2007, say afterall
say IBB na international figure say AD na regional party.
Omo come see grammar, ibo don kuku tok am say lie lie
de sweet with grammar. My kweshion come be say, if IBB
na international figure shei na international party
go put am for office to rule regional piple? Abi na
me no understand dis tin well well, no be say na anoda
boju boju dem wan do us so? Oya tori neva finish o,
na im shief shairman Alhaji come tok say IBB go contest
2007 election “under a coalition of political parties'
nna me sef weak for that one o. l still de ask maisef
if na all de naija political partie dem wan siddon gree
say na IBB go rule us or na wetin dem de tok so? becos
if na so why dem wan do election den. Abi de election
na just a show for international community to come see,
make yankee send former presido Carter make im come
look us de deceive we sef again as we de do we 'open
secret ballot' abi no be so IBB call am for early 90s?
hmm tori de come o, na so Alhaji oga campaign manager
come continue im tori say even sef IBB tell dem make
dem stop to campaign sef make dem support uncle Sege,
e say anyone wey love IBB make im come join hand support
uncle Sege, shuuue dis one don pass don be silly o mai
obodo piple.
Na so my mind begin waka anyhow again for dis matter
o, but anyway sha l go tell una where my mind waka reach
for dis matter next time. Until we see again una wado
o, make unu no fite anibody o Tyson notto una relative.
September.15.2003
Bauchi
don sack Corn roasters dem.
Mai
piple ah say make l come nack una tori wey make my mout
open since Thursday wey l hear am. Make una follow me
hia dis one o, make una no vex l no say dem tok say
palmwine tapper no de tok everything everytin wey im
see for ontop palmtree, but dis one no gree siddon for
my belle o. Na so Bauchi state govt ban piple wey de
roast corn for dia capital, ogheme biko o, wait make
l carry tori reach ground. Na so Mallam Nasiru Shehu
the oga pata pata for Bauchi state
environmental
protection agency (BSEPA), na so im tok say na de piple
wey de roast corn for road na dem de cause plenty plenty
blockage for drain and liter road, omo dat issue of
garbage bins as oyibo de tok am nko, becos if all dos
enfironmental piple give dem gorodom alias drum to trowey
de durti inside nko? Abi dat one no go make de drains
no block again. The tin wey funny me inside be say de
oga environmental say tiffery of corn go stop too as
all de corn roaster no go de again. My kweshion come
be say, de poor man wey de take dat nitely corn de hold
skin nko? Shei na make im go tiff dat corn by imsef
be dis. Becos me l been de tink say if work de petty
tiffery no go de again, as dem comot food for all dis
women wey de roast corn mouth no be to make bad economy
worse dem de try to do so, sheibi we piple tok say no
be wit clear eye persin de take enter naija police,
abi ground level na im women de roast corn?
Mai
piple make l carry waka de go o l don tire for we obodo
country, but Nigeria na we country and we must salvage
am together. Until wee see again odigba o.
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