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Pa' Mugo is a periodical editorial in Pidgin English (broken english). On this page, Pa Mugo's focus will be on events in our country Nigeria and among her people both within and outside the country. We promise our visitors that nothing or no one will be spared in situations involving Nigerians. Pa Mugo- the Senator of the Masses, will talk about everything under the Nigeria's Universe. The opininon does not necessarily reflect the views of the staff and management of KEK Technology Inc. and its affiliates. Click here to send message to Pa Mugo.

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October.17 - 24.2006

How una dey my people? I hope say una dey miliki? I no say una dey wonder say wetin happen to this yeye man, My people i dey o, na hungry want kill man na him i come run go village. I promise una say come Wednesday as me too dey enjoy holiday with mallam garuba for Sabo, una go hear plenty from me. Make una tell una famili, friends and dat una noisy neigboors say ma don come back o.

Till then, I salute una, make una dey do jeje o.


Naija Police go learn community policing for UK

Hey na anoda news l carry come today o, oya make una siddon to hia dis tori, chai my obodo piple na dis one dem de call oturugbeke.

I say the inspector general of police Mr Tafa Balogun don announce say dem send 6 naija police to go Uk to go learn how to do community policing. Im tok say when dem reach dia dem go learn as oyibo de do community policing and when dem come back dem go 'design and manage community policing in this country' Abeg how pikin wey neva sabi waka go take run

Shei dis police wey de chop so so egunje na dem wan do community police, na dis one go make di bribe money for check point go up as dem wan give egunje oyibo name . Chai my piple fowl don de almost grow teet for we obodo. To make matters worse no be only Uk dem go go learn dis work come o, oga IGP say dem go go Spain, USA, Australia, Isreal and other countries wey de 'friendly to Nigeria' as im tok am.

Abeg whish kain police work dem wan learn for USA when yankee police de treat black different from white? Abi as naija be majority black so shei na di few oyibo wey de hia na im dem go de give di preferential treatment as oyibo de call am. And when dem go Isreal come, as we no get suicide bombers yet for naija, na who dem go use practice wetin dem go learn come from dat war zone? Even when dem come back from Australia who go be we aborigines, abi na awussa piple versus southerners or biafrans e go be, kai dat one na anoda tori o dis biafra piple don de turn to anoda tin. Make una come back on Friday come read my thoughts on this Biafra – Ndigbo thing.

Eniway, this matter of say dem wan send naija police to go learn how to do community police for abroad na waste of money wey dem for take increase police salary make dem stop all dat egunje for checkpoint. No be only dat one plus buy dem uniform join sef.

Oga IGP when dis ones wey go learn work for UK come back, abeg no send dem again, shuuo a whole month and half na im dem go take go gallivant for abroad and we no count dia wife and girlfriends wey go follow dem go o. Chai, make una sorry for dis we obodo money now, kuku take dat extra money go dash dem ogoni piple make dem take hol skin togeda.


Mrs Vice president gimme a break jare

My piple long time no see, make una no ves for me plenty, na small sickness been hold me. Shei una de gbadun sha, me l don mix una no be small and tori full my mouth de trowey.

Na we second lady matter na im l carry come today, una no no we second lady for naija? Na the wife of we vice president, Chief Mrs Amina Titi Atiku Abubakar, wey be chair person of Women Trafficking and Child labour Foundation (WOTCLEF).
She tok say dem don deport 19,774 of we obodo piple come house for human trafficking and other offenses and for piple wey no hia dat grammar na dem girls wey de go italo and dia madam italos dem. We madam chair woman come de tok say na dis kain tins dem de give naija bad name for outside.
Shuuo see me see bad tin o, whish day naija begin worry about image wey dem get for oyibo eye, no be here l siddon wey dem hang Ken Saro Wiwa, come de plan to stone woman to death sef. See as OBJ dem de take fuel price de do goin goin gone so. Na im Chief MrsChairlady de tok we image abroad. All dem Itshekiri and Ijaw, wey de kill demsef like fowl so shei dat one de give us good image for oyibo eye? Abi wetin we govament don do to stop dat one.
If human trafficking de give naija bad name, shei de govament wey create de opportunity abi na lack of opportunity for these piple wey be say dem go risky dia life go do bad tin for anoda man country de give naija good name?

No be say l de support madam italos dem, but na condishion make crayfish bend. Abi no be we country woman no go pass for school unless professor sleep wit am and when she graduate finish to get work she go must service all de ogas dem, AKA bottom power, shei dat one no give we country bad name?

My piple l say Mrs Abubakar come de tok say if you no any criminal make you report am. Shei she go fit account for all de boku million million naira wey dem giam for WOTCLEF? If she de really do de tins wey dem put for paper say WOTCLEF go de do why boat still de leave Cross River state and it's environs wit small childrens wey de go do slave work for Equatorial Guinea or na to report how many piple wey dem deport na im dem de take all dat million million naira wey dem budget for dem de do? Abeg Mrs Abubakar gimme a break jare.


Cassava wan bring dollar for Nigeria

My piple how una de? I trust say una bodi de inside cloth kampe, no shakin. Ah we tank God o.
Chai my obodo piple I carry tok come o, siddon make we tok dis one reach down.
I say dem don tok say we cassava go soon de bring hard currency come for we obodo country. Yes o na Minister of Agriculture Mallam Adamu Bello, a im halla dis one for de British-American Tobacco Nigeria Foundation (BATFN) meeting wey dem do for IITA lbadan, abeg even dat name fia me, but that one na anoda matter. Eniway na for dis meeting na im we agric oga pata pata tok say 'in the next three years cassava will generate $5 annually'.

I say mesef fia wen l hear dis one, de tori de one kain for my ears. Wait o before una go say na bad belle de worri me, becos dis tori de sound like de more you look de less you see tori for wia l de so. As we minister tok im own finish na so Wale Adekunle one of dem oga for IITA come put mouth for the loud speaker tok say, yes o say IITA fit carry we piple comot for poverty if govament and private piple put hand inside, dat one wey in de tok be say make una bring money. But wait dem fit wipe hunger na im piple de die de go so of hunger? abi dem de wait make piple die finish before dem start to wipe poverty comot?

Sha make l de tok cassava wey wan go international own de go, wetin me l de tok be say if cassava begin bring dollapo aka dollars de come so, shei poor man dem go fit chop garri again? Papa onome no go chop starsh again be dat, abi if cassava go sell for dollar market as we piple get longthroat reash who go sell am for naira again? Na de equivalent of dollar dem go de sell am o, average naija man no go fit chop awa own staple food as oyibo de call am.

Abeg who near dis we oga pata pata dem, make dem de draw dia ear say as dem de try to comot chop for piple mouth so no good, every country de try to feed im piple, na only we obodo go de carry wetin we get go sell for dollars come go buy the oyibo version begin import am. Make una mark dis one for una wall o, when dem begin carry that kain quantity of cassava comot next tin wey una go see be say we govament go begin import garri from china or India sef.
My piple dis leg wey dem bring so no be better one o, abi how una check am?


Oga Sege lie lie don do.

My piple how una de? Shei efferitin de go fine sha, worta neva pass una garri too much abi, we tank God o.
My piple dis news no sweet my belle at all, sontins e be like say we leada dem de tink say awa mumu no get mate sef, shuuuo. Make una no vex say my belle no sweet o, no be una cuase am. Na so l siddon jejely na im uncle Sege come de halla say women wey de for West Africa say na we de for bottom pot and say de tin de pain am for bodi.
Na so my mout open down like fish wen dem just catch, abeg na whish time woman matter begin vex uncle Sege, ah l no tok say im women wahala no de pain am o, make una no tok say l tok that one.
We Presido begin lament wahala of women wey de for West Africa loun loun, uncle Sege shei you forget us wey we de ya doormout? Oya make una let me land bifor una kill me, na for Ecowas Gender and Regional Integration Forum, omo de name alone go tell you say na one of dem chop l chop meeting. But aniwey, na Senator Lawan Guba wey be minister of cooperation and integration in Africa, wey been represent we presido de tok on Monday, l come say abi oga senator no show uncle Sege wetin im wan go tok dia abi na wetin be dis kain tok.
See wetin de ves me pass no be say dem tok say we get 'low status' or say dem tok say dem de keep us for 'background' shuuo we gree now who no no make e ask im mama as women condishion take be for we obodo Nigeria. De tin wey vex me inside be say, we presido de tok say e de pain am for bodi say women get low status meanwhile im siddon de look us since, abi no be Amina Lawal dem de wait make comot her pikin mout for breast make dem go stone am die, say she carry belle when she don comot for horseband house, meanwhile de man wey giam belle de go ahead go give more women belle aniwey dat na anoda day we go tok am.
My piple come see as we Oga dem de halla go give all de oyibo wey de dia, say dem don 'take steps to to create laws in consonance with ratified international conventions to uplift the status of women' oya shei all dis gramma mean say dem do law or not? As l de hia so for Pa Mugo house, l no kuku see any law wey dem do. Na so oga presido tok say dem don do tins wey go reduce poverty, reduce incidence of AIDS/HIV, malaria, t.b and other infectious diseases, shuuo so na women alone na im de get AIDS/HIV? Abi na women alone na we de get malaria? Oga Sege make l kuku tell you as you no no so, incidents of rape de increase for Kaduna state, as dem wan stone woman wey no marry wey born, wetin dem go do man wey rape 5yias old pikin? Poverty for we obodo Nigeria no be only women again o look outside that tinted motor wey de carry you waka o, look we police men as dem be like piple wey de hunger strike and AIDS no be only woman disease o oga sege, malaria nko? Abi you sef wey de tok neva get malaria bifor?

Mai piple make l carry waka de go o l don tire for we obodo country, but Nigeria na we country and we must salvage am together. Until wee see again odigba o.


Na God work?.

My piple how una de? Shei ground level for una side sha, ah God no go let worta pass una garri o, una no tok amin? Ok o shei una work de go fine sha, God no go let una oga see persin wey sabi work pass una.

Wo, dis we obodo de make my heart de heavy sontins, de handshake don de pass elbow o. kondishion don de pass be careful for we countri o, my piple, and if e happen dem go say 'na so God want am' or some go say 'na dia fate' or 'God giveth and God taketh away”. Chai dis kain tok nearly make me ask baba God kweshion, untele l come look dis tin say come why na only for we obodo every bad tin de be God or devil fault, why no be person fault, why piple no de take responsible as oyibo call am for sontin? Abi na how papa God wan hate a whole 120million piple. And all dis 'na so God want am tok sef, who enter God mind go ask am if as we piple de die like fowl wey get kwashiorkor so,weder e de sweet am for belle?

Na so las Sunday 100 piple die for assident wey happen for Lokoja-Abuja road say three bus jam eash oda and motor just begin burn, say de di piple carri fuel for jerry cans cause of say fuel scarcity de and arm robber de road too. Omo as l hear dis one again l look God eye again say ah shei na so God want am again? Shuuo that kain pothole wey full that road wey go swallow a whole okada wit no trace sef, na God put am dia? abi na God say make who dem give de contract to build road no do am or make de government of Kogi state no make sure say de person or company do de road, ask dem now dem go say na federal road, so if na federal road nko, sheibi na who wear shoe na im know where e de pain am? Why Kogi state govt no halla make dem do de road? Omo na so dia oga for police dat side Samuel Adetoye, wey be de commissioner for police, come de tok say piple wey get persin wey de trafel for that side, make de call 'area mortuary to identify their piple'. Shuooo whish kain l don kia attitude be dis? Who dem wan call? abi who de carry id de waka for naija, abi how de mortuary wan identify de piple wey don burn like suya?

I come say make we give Oga Samuel benefit of doubt sef, make we say persin wey de obodo oyibo wan call 'area mortuary', where im go start? Shei im go call Nitel wireless? Ah if e call and na'if all lines are busy please call later' voice come de line nko? You say im go call MTN abi, ah na MTN get coverage for that area abi, and if Econet go through which name im wan give dem say im de find? Oya e remain globalkomm abi se de person go say im de find area mortuary for near Abuja abi na near Lokoja and if Nepa give dem light sha maybe the bodies no go don rot finish.

My piple as l de look dis kondishion na im l remember all de ritual killer dem, dem otokoto dem shei no be opportunity for dem be dis as 100 corps berekete so na make dem choose de one dem want, fiar come catsh me as l tink am shei na as God want am be dis? My piple 'afise Olorun' alias will of God suppose be good tin o. Dis kain assident dem make we beg we oga patapata dem say make dem do sontin wey go put full stop for dis kain tins wey de prefentable.

Oya make l go cook for Pa Mugo, nes time we go yan anoda tin wey de heavy me for belle. Una siddon well o.


My dia obodo piple

My dia obodo piple, how una de? I hope say go de go well , as for me I tank Chineke God very willingly, Oluwa seun O. Na wit good mind and sweet belle l take come for una side o.
Chai una go say who be dis one again, we jus enter house de yarn una like say we no eash other bifor, l no say some don de look me de wonder say dis face look similar o. l go introduce maisef. Oya una cool down small, na me na im den de call Naijachik, some don even call me mama yard becos na wetin my eye see na im my mout de tok. Aniway me l no worry, because l de tok am as l see am and dis my 2 koro koro eyes de see well well o. Na im make as Pa mugo carry waka go adult education go learn more bookuru so, Dem kuku say make l come siddon for im chair de tell una as tins be for we obodo Nigeria. Me o l don promise say l go de tok de whole truth hohally o. No be say me na basket mout o but sontins de hard for persin to keep for im belle like dat.
Like the oda day wey l de waka go my own jejely, na so l see wia dem de hail our former presido the maradona himself IBB for im 62nd baffday, yes na only 62 de man be, omo no be me tok am o.

But anyway, na so dis one company wey de Canada iNETWORKS for Canada , de nack head for ground de salote IBB. Me l no tok say make dem no greet de man happybaffday o, but when dem begin use heavy heavy grammar de salote am, de call 'visionary leader' na im l pinch maisef. De tin pain me na im l say unless IBB don de see vision for chursh now o, na im l come shine eye well well tink dis tin again, shuuo shei no be IBB of when im be presido 419 na order of the day? Na im l tell maisef say l no see as de man take be man of the piple o, abi na otikpu work na im iNETWORK piple de do so? as otimpku get share now, omo dat tin get as e be o. If to say na only as INETWORK tok am l for no vex reach as l vex.

Our piple tok say na like play play butterfly de enter bush, as IBB de flirt wit aso rock de fear me o, l don de look that tin de eye wey emere de look pastor. Una no come no de one wey fear me inside? As IBB number one otimkpu alias towncrier for naija, Alhaji Hameed Makama, national chairman for IBB vision 2007. Na so de man tok say IBB no need im party Alliance for Democracy (AD) to win the election for 2007. How una check dis tin? Me l look am say na anoda wuru wuru to de ansa be dis o. Na anoda de more youlook de less you see wan happen again o. Shei una remember when IBB de for government when im de halla say 'l know those who would not succeed me' omo me l remember o, shei no be after dat one when im give speech say im de go na im Shonekan go land for kiriri for 7months? Small time June 12 follow hmmm na wa o. Abi who need skooling for IBB tactics? Why we want let that man smell aso rock again sef? Even as fisitor im no suppose enter o. l don de get flashback of IBB when tell us say make we go de discuss IMF, so tey dem form committee. Na im we obodo piple siddon de discuss IMF conditions and conditionities, even baba Nurudeen leave pool wey e go play siddon under fruit tree de tok IMF matter when IBB pass we back go collect we no kuku no again. Mai piple na only dat one? Shuuo no be for we very before IBB say make we tok if we wan join organization for lslamic conference (OIC) before we say Robinson crusoe naija don become member, dat time all our bookuru piple de tok say we no b emuslim nation but we all know say IBB de do wetin im wan do. Abeg dis kain person wetin im fit do wit democrazy? Abi im go redefine democrazy to crazydemo as baba 70 don tok am?

Ehn l don de see piple face de squeeze say l jus de accuse de man make una hia de full tori. Na so Alhaji H. Makama vex o, sake of say Ekiti government ban further campaign by AD for IBB. Alhaji oga campaign chairman come tok say IBB no need Ad to win for 2007, say afterall say IBB na international figure say AD na regional party. Omo come see grammar, ibo don kuku tok am say lie lie de sweet with grammar. My kweshion come be say, if IBB na international figure shei na international party go put am for office to rule regional piple? Abi na me no understand dis tin well well, no be say na anoda boju boju dem wan do us so? Oya tori neva finish o, na im shief shairman Alhaji come tok say IBB go contest 2007 election “under a coalition of political parties' nna me sef weak for that one o. l still de ask maisef if na all de naija political partie dem wan siddon gree say na IBB go rule us or na wetin dem de tok so? becos if na so why dem wan do election den. Abi de election na just a show for international community to come see, make yankee send former presido Carter make im come look us de deceive we sef again as we de do we 'open secret ballot' abi no be so IBB call am for early 90s? hmm tori de come o, na so Alhaji oga campaign manager come continue im tori say even sef IBB tell dem make dem stop to campaign sef make dem support uncle Sege, e say anyone wey love IBB make im come join hand support uncle Sege, shuuue dis one don pass don be silly o mai obodo piple.

Na so my mind begin waka anyhow again for dis matter o, but anyway sha l go tell una where my mind waka reach for dis matter next time. Until we see again una wado o, make unu no fite anibody o Tyson notto una relative.


Bauchi don sack Corn roasters dem.

Mai piple ah say make l come nack una tori wey make my mout open since Thursday wey l hear am. Make una follow me hia dis one o, make una no vex l no say dem tok say palmwine tapper no de tok everything everytin wey im see for ontop palmtree, but dis one no gree siddon for my belle o. Na so Bauchi state govt ban piple wey de roast corn for dia capital, ogheme biko o, wait make l carry tori reach ground. Na so Mallam Nasiru Shehu the oga pata pata for Bauchi state

environmental protection agency (BSEPA), na so im tok say na de piple wey de roast corn for road na dem de cause plenty plenty blockage for drain and liter road, omo dat issue of garbage bins as oyibo de tok am nko, becos if all dos enfironmental piple give dem gorodom alias drum to trowey de durti inside nko? Abi dat one no go make de drains no block again. The tin wey funny me inside be say de oga environmental say tiffery of corn go stop too as all de corn roaster no go de again. My kweshion come be say, de poor man wey de take dat nitely corn de hold skin nko? Shei na make im go tiff dat corn by imsef be dis. Becos me l been de tink say if work de petty tiffery no go de again, as dem comot food for all dis women wey de roast corn mouth no be to make bad economy worse dem de try to do so, sheibi we piple tok say no be wit clear eye persin de take enter naija police, abi ground level na im women de roast corn?

Mai piple make l carry waka de go o l don tire for we obodo country, but Nigeria na we country and we must salvage am together. Until wee see again odigba o.

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